The future's bright, so give us a Kiss

[BBD]

Guinness counts an essential oil doesn't it?

[SerjeantWildgoose]

Not only is it an essential oil, it is 7 of your 5-a-day, 108% of dentists use it, 213% of vets recommend it, it is definitely Maybeline and ye are definitely worth it.

[BBD]

That's a relief, I'm currently combatting about two dozen signs of ageing, all of them in me left knee

[SerjeantWildgoose]

Can ye type larger? I'm just after going to Specsavers to get one of them invisible hearing aids. I put it down to pick up a tube of Preparation H and now I'm fecked if I can find the thing?

[BBD]

I'll write it out longhand when Michael Parkinson lets me borrow his pen

[Spiffy]

Not only is it an essential oil, it is 7 of your 5-a-day, 108% of dentists use it, 213% of vets recommend it, it is definitely Maybeline and ye are definitely worth it.

Believe it or not, I actually did know an Irish vet who prescribed a bottle a day as a tonic for ailing livestock.

[Peat]

Looks like someone gave a whole bunch of it to the Ulster pack then as, Glasgae injury crisis or no, that was a fair bit better than we've seen for a while.

[SerjeantWildgoose]

I happen to know that the entire Ulster squad are a bunch of Harp-drinking nancies. I can only put last night's cracking result down to the fact that the Weege drink Bacardi Breezers.

[Peat]

Can you give me a round up of what every team in the Pro 12 drinks?

[BBD]

The men of Cardiff love a babycham to wind down after a hard day window dressing

[SerjeantWildgoose]

The lads from Zebre like a couple of litres of Amarone followed by a quick lungomare around the piazza.

[BBD]

Glasgow Warriors intersperse their training with bin diving for the dregs of a bottle of buckfast and draino

[SerjeantWildgoose]

The wans fae Embra dinnae drink, they just nick car radios and shoot up anything they can get their hands on.

[BBD]

Ospreys enjoy a low fat soya frappacino decaf latte with a selection of gluten free bran muffins before training

[SerjeantWildgoose]

The Men of the Wesht would tuck into a bowl of pratties and a quart of poitín, if only the English hadn't struck the fields down with the blight, poisoned the seaweed beds and transported all the whiskey cows.

[SerjeantWildgoose]

Ospreys enjoy a low fat soya frappacino decaf latte with a selection of gluten free bran muffins before training

The D4 ladies would turn their noses up at anything containing bran - sure t'would play havoc with their colonic irrigation schedule. Kale and elderflower smoothies, washed down with a few thimbles of Bewleys gentlest green tea and fiddle-head infusion.

[Peat]

You gents truly are an education.

[SerjeantWildgoose]

I'll give ye an education. Get yer fecking arse out!!!

[Peat]

Plastic Ulsterfan says No.

[SerjeantWildgoose]

Dyslexic Lustrenaf says 'On'!

[Eugene Wrayburn]

Injury update. I'm delighted we do these but it makes for grim reading!

http://www.ulsterrugby.com/news/15293.php#.V_bMOxbTXqB

[hellovating]

Tonight.....

Connacht: 15 Tiernan O’Halloran, 14 Niyi Adeolokun, 13 Bundee Aki, 12 Craig Ronaldson, 11 Cian Kelleher, 10 Jack Carty, 9 Caolin Blade, 8 John Muldoon (c), 7 Jake Heenan, 6 Eoin McKeon, 5 Andrew Browne, 4 Ultan Dillane, 3 Conor Carey, 2 Dave Heffernan, 1 Finlay Bealham
Replacements: 16 Shane Delahunt, 17 Ronan Loughney, 18 JP Cooney, 19 Lewis Stevenson, 20 James Connolly, 21 Stephen Kerins, 22 Shane O’Leary, 23 Stacey Ili

Ulster: 15 Jared Payne (c), 14 Tommy Bowe, 13 Louis Ludik, 12 Darren Cave, 11 Craig Gilroy, 10 Paddy Jackson, 9 Paul Marshall, 8 Roger Wilson, 7 Clive Ross, 6 Iain Henderson, 5 Pete Browne, 4 Robbie Diack, 3 Rodney Ah You, 2 Rory Best, 1 Callum Black
Replacements: 16 Rob Herring, 17 Andrew Warwick, 18 Ross Kane, 19 Kieran Treadwell, 20 Sean Reidy, 21 Dave Shanahan, 22 Brett Herron, 23 Rob Lyttle

tommy's back! piutau and pienaar missing.

[paddy no 11]

Has Caolin blade taken over from Andrew Le Touche Cosgrave as the coolest name in sport?

[hellovating]

Has Caolin blade taken over from Andrew Le Touche Cosgrave as the coolest name in sport?

ALTC lives near me, so i'm sticking with him.

[Spiffy]

Looking forward to this one. Hard to predict with a large injury roster on both sides.
Adolokun a possible bolter for Ireland this season? He's the fastest man in Irish rugby with a nose for the line, and has improved his skills/defence/bulk.