RugbyRebels

Not good.
It's possible to add turmeric to rice as a poor mans saffron but I wouldn't recommend it. 40 years of eating curry but it has taken me all of those years to realize that it's the turmeric content of curries that makes the world fall out of my arse.

I just want you to know I enjoyed reading this.

It should be a source of great comfort that the scorching of your arse is merely an unfortunate side-effect of all of the cardio-vascular and mental acuity benefits that you can gain by necking a couple of tons of the stuff. Obviously what goes around comes around and it merely means that if you eat enough of it you might avoid Alzheimer's and therefore remain perfectly and fully aware that your chuffer is alight.

SerjeantWildgoose wrote: you might avoid Alzheimer's and therefore remain perfectly and fully aware that your chuffer is alight.

I'm going with the Alzheimer's. I'm throwing all my turmeric in the bin. It's been 3 days now.

kk67 wrote:

SerjeantWildgoose wrote: you might avoid Alzheimer's and therefore remain perfectly and fully aware that your chuffer is alight.

I'm going with the Alzheimer's. I'm throwing all my turmeric in the bin. It's been 3 days now.

you sure you can still remember 3 days ago?

Virtual rep for this entire thread.

kk67 wrote:Not good.
It's possible to add turmeric to rice as a poor mans saffron but I wouldn't recommend it. 40 years of eating curry but it has taken me all of those years to realize that it's the turmeric content of curries that makes the world fall out of my arse.

How much of it are you adding?

I put a bit in now and then but it doesn't give me arse woes.

Also surely if you're putting in a lot of tumeric the first problem is it's going to taste rank, there's an odd and not especially nice bitterness to tumeric that I doubt is something people in general like.

Earthy is what I believe you call it. If you're a chef/twat.

I wouldn't say I was using a large amount, maybe it's that I'm boiling it with the rice instead of frying it is intensifying the effect ? or maybe I'm just mildly allergic to it. Now it's over I can say it's certainly given me a good clearout.
Saturday morning was pretty bad. It got to the stage where the sheer disbelief at what is happening was a more powerful experience than the burning sensation.

A good squirt-out can be nice. I had a colonoscopy this year and they gave me this liquid, gallons of water and told me it takes an hour to start. Literally, 57 mins later my arse turns into a fire hydrant. By the time I stopped squirting, 12 hours later, the liquid coming out was practically distilled water. Of course they ruined it by shoving a scope ladled with lube 9' up there, but it was nice for a while.

If you want a fecal experience worth talking about, get yourself on industrial strength pain killers for about 2 months. You'll be addicted, which is a great time in itself, but your shit will turn into literally the most compact solid substance on earth. Trying to get one out will be one of the tasks of Hercules, bit with enough pain involved to make you sing like one of the Pussycat Dolls.

Good times.

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Donny osmond wrote:If you want a fecal experience worth talking about, get yourself on industrial strength pain killers for about 2 months. You'll be addicted, which is a great time in itself, but your shit will turn into literally the most compact solid substance on earth. Trying to get one out will be one of the tasks of Hercules, bit with enough pain involved to make you sing like one of the Pussycat Dolls.

Good times.

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Christ, yes. A course of antibiotics the dentist gave me had the same effect a few years ago.
The pain is made worse when you look down expecting to be rewarded for the effort and the sweat pouring off you, only to find a lump no bigger than a marble.
Trapped wind that lasts for a few days can be pretty frightening. No surprise that people frequently confuse appendicitis and wind and vice versa. Clearly I have reached an age where going to the loo is literally all or nothing.

Underwent surgery under general anaesthetic for a knackered foot on Wednesday, with some hefty morphine-based painkillers as pudding yesterday. It is now 60 hours since my last shit.

I'll keep you all posted.

I went to a PGL teenage holiday camp and I think I went 7 days without a crap.
Day 8 we had some decent crappers around Lake Langorse.

I had back surgery when I was 19 with a heavy course of morphine during recovery. The first shit was the most painful part of the entire process.

Buggaluggs wrote: Of course they ruined it by shoving a scope ladled with lube 9' up there, but it was nice for a while.

If you say so...

Fucking hell.

SerjeantWildgoose wrote:Underwent surgery under general anaesthetic for a knackered foot on Wednesday, with some hefty morphine-based painkillers as pudding yesterday. It is now 60 hours since my last shit.

I'll keep you all posted.

Jesus Sarge you've been retired like 3 minutes and you're already sucking on the tax payers teats like Trump on a russian whore. Apparently with as much shit inside as Trump too, hows that going?

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Ah now hey! The surgery was on a foot that had been pretty effectively mangled by a few decades of tabbing over the Beacons with the equivalent of a tighthead on my back. I think it is a fair shout that I get it sorted on your flick and if the tax it costs stops you going out and buying more kipper ties then I think the balance to society is very much in the black.

Just had that magical first post-op dump. It has been preceded by a veritable hurricane of farting, which would appear to have inflated the tubes so as to allow easier passage of the projectiles. Nevertheless, it took a good 20 minutes to pass a small handful of shrapnel, allowing the fecking kettle to boil dry during the process.

I do like to hear about a good dump.

morepork wrote:I do like to hear about a good dump.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slough

SerjeantWildgoose wrote: Nevertheless, it took a good 20 minutes to pass a small handful of shrapnel, allowing the fecking kettle to boil dry during the process.

That's a bummer.
But I suspect Donny is right.

I suspect that these are the words of a jealous man, harrowed by the recent memory of an arse like Mt Agung.

I have been farting a lot today, and they smell like actual shit rather than a pleasant warm eggy blanket.